Back to normal... Walmart run
Nov 9, 2018
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jez_N7Vk-O0

this is my story and welcome to it yes I
said I hold you better today with my
vlogging we have some errands that we
have to run and at some point to date
well it's really gonna bug me now it's
great
who knows what I have old you swear
anyways so we have some things we need
to do this morning and then I'm actually
gonna go later to the store because I
need to take back a couple of things and
read well I need to return an item to
back to items and I'd probably rather do
it when I don't have to deal with the
kids so we're gonna go run these errands
and then come home and then I'll go do
that yesterday my visitor came I started
like very heavy so that means this month
is gonna be a treacherous month for me
not that my body hasn't already gone
through enough poor thing but yes that's
part of being a woman I guess the likes
of us anyways um so I was really
surprised when I got on the scale and I
seen that I had lost six pounds that was
before I knew I was gonna start
yesterday so when I actually started I
was like oh my gosh so here I've got
swollen still against me plus I started
my period which means I'm probably
bloated and I lost six pounds wow I
wonder where I'm really at so I don't
know what the scales gonna read for
Saturday because
you know I'm clearly on but does it be
their luck it'll you know continue to
try and make more number go down before
Saturday I would love that
hold on Omar and so anyways but I
thought I would update you guys you know
that yes that is the case this week but
it doesn't matter I still like I said
last day I really want to hit that goal
of being under 400 by January 1st like
that is okay hold on I will have daddy
put it on me okay that is going to be my
ultimate set goal I have to be under
that so I am excited to see if I can do
it it's a great set of a goal and go
from there to see I'm thinking that
maybe I will talk to Ollie and see if
that could be my goal gift is if I can
achieve to lose that amount oh that I
can get my Cricut machine because
clearly right now we're not at a point
where I want to go and make that big of
a purchase because it's not just the
purchase of the machine because there's
so much more that goes to it you know
you got a purchase glitter you got to
purchase tumblers you got a purchase
table to do it on plus you got to
purchase the Turner I mean there's a lot
so I mean it's not just the money for
the machine it's all the little
fantasies that go with it so I am
thinking that we're going to talk about
that and just see how he feels if that
could be like my goal is if I can get
under 400 by January first
excuse me if I can go ahead and get that
and then Jeremiah walked to school again
this morning so he's just growing up
before my eyes he loves the the
independence of walking to and from
school and I mean it of course it takes
me a little bit to like you know get
over my anxiety but I know that like at
a certain time at school like it's like
10 o'clock if a child hasn't gotten into
class by then and they'll call me and
say hey Oh so-and-so didn't show up
he's Mark Thompson or whatever and then
at that point then that's when I can
lose all my crap and freak out and we
have a timing here that he has ten
minutes to get from school to home 15 at
the very very latest and by 15 minutes
if he's not home then it's mom's gonna
lose herself just because we literally
like yesterday it took him he said two
minutes to get to school from here I
don't know he must have little racer
legs but he made it quick so but he's
definitely growing up and I gotta let
him start growing his wings and getting
a little bit of a distance from me I
don't want to but you know it happens
anyway so I will check in with you guys
a little bit later we like I said have
to go and run a couple errands and then
I have to what and then I have to
I'll go to Walmart later this evening so
I will definitely take you guys along
for that joyful experience so all right
a little bit
hey okay so I am actually heading out to
Walmart holy did not want to go he was
just like I'm not in the mood I was like
well then I'll go it was like because I
want to take back this hideous purse you
guys look okay I bought this purse it's
like a large clutch purse I guess you'd
say
but it's a look I don't even know what I
don't know what got into me to buy this
hideous thing but I bought it and you
guys I just can't do it I can't do it
and I was like to get oh my so I'm like
okay you know what I mean
you were 37 you have two years before
you're 40
stop with the madness man stop so
anyways Omar ended up seeing is sitting
on my bed I don't know he's like hey
wasn't monster it's a monster purse that
the monster presume like are you talking
about
so he was referring to the purse because
of Monsters Inc
he was saying it was monsters to eat
perks so then that really made me be
like yeah you going back to the store
lady you going back so I am currently in
route to take this hideous person I was
dying though when he said that I was
just like what is he doing where's our
monster and then it dawned on me he's
talking about the hideous purse so yes
Amy had a hideous moment that she
thought a hideous purse was cute
and decided against it
I decided against it and decided I'll
stand strong I'm not gonna do this I'm
gonna take this thing back and I'm gonna
behave
so I'm gonna go to Walmart take this
thing back and I think I'm gonna look
really good and see if they have any
other persons I have a purse I do but I
am I'm really bad with purses I like
changing up my purses I don't like
having the same one for very long and in
fact this one I've had longer than
normal no seriously but I was thinking
about just looking and seeing if they
have anything I mean it's not a big deal
if they don't but the bad thing is I
can't find my wallet because I did buy a
new wallet and I cannot for the life of
me find my wallet that was in my other
bag I can't find it no work I don't know
what Lauren Ezra did with it but they
definitely got it lost in my house so
the hunt to find well it does it kind of
need my wallet back but I'm just gonna
look and see what they have and then I
wanted to look US last time I was there
and they I did have it was size 3x
it was leggings and the Terrence guy 3x
now fit me actually are a little bit
loose on me which is a nice feeling
but there are snowflakes so I was
thinking about getting them I don't know
we'll see and
[Music]
do anything else I'm just gonna go in
and come back out and come home because
there's a whole lot for us to do I still
cannot find my phone holder for when I
want to vlog I don't know what I did
with it I do not have any idea I really
think I'm gonna have to start my room
which I just got through telling ollie
today that we need to spend one day this
weekend scrubbing the house from top to
bottom there's some stuff that I just
can't physically do turn the heater on
there's a few things that I just
physically still can't do and I feel
like they need to be done for me to feel
like the house is getting clean enough
because I yes my husband says your claim
4:8 and funny as it is I I like my area
clean I like my space clean and you know
I always have pretty much been that way
since being an adult and being a mom I
like my home clean and you know free of
crap on the floors and so I just don't I
don't like it so I told him not
I'm starting to get the antsy filling it
when I did that way and see when I was
much bigger where I couldn't even get
out of my chair and poor husband of mine
was trying to be my caretaker take care
of the kids work and do everything he
couldn't I mean he was cooking cleaning
taking care of the kids taking care of
himself taking care of me I mean and I
couldn't do much because I was chair
bound and so I would start getting that
anxious antsy filling because crap I
forgot my water and I forgot to take my
meds oh I'm on a good anyways I could
not handle the house not being clean but
with that I couldn't clean it
I just physically could not do it but I
wanted a clean house so I would get to
the point where you know he would clean
but he's a man first of all and men
never clean the way a woman wants it
done I mean some do I guess but not in
my experience so that's when we would
hire in someone to come in and do like a
really deep scrub cleaning but we don't
need that no more because I can do
majority of it the only things that I
physically cannot still do is I cannot
physically get down on my hands and
knees and scrub the floor around the
baseboards of because we have hardwood
floor in the dining room the kitchen and
into the hallway and I can't physically
get down on my hands and knees and scrub
that area between the floor and the
baseboard and we have a steam mop which
does amazing on the floors
if you like steam mops personally I
don't like steam mops
I think steam mops are great for when
you're gonna do a dusting on the floor
that's the I mean that's fine but to do
a deep mop and scrub I don't feel like
steam mops actually really do the job
correctly I feel like it kind of just
smooths the dirt around but it doesn't
really mop I'm the type of person and
the old-fashioned kind that I like
either a mop and a bucket or the hands
and knees method but I haven't been able
to do hands and knees method for a few
years now because of my weight and
because of my knees I just can't if I
got down on my knees there is gonna be
no give me getting back up off the floor
so I just now I'm to the point where you
know I can help mop and I can help do
those things but I can't get on the
floor and like do the cleaning around
the baseboards and that's what really
needs to be done because I've been
looking around and I kind of see like
you know it's not bad but just you know
I can I can start to see a little bit of
the dirt kind of building up and it's
like nope can't do it so I talked to him
today and I was like you know can we
please take just a little bit of time
this weekend I'm not trying to take time
away from your time and I don't want you
time away from my me time but we really
need to take some time somewhere -
please help deep scrub the house and I
mean I'm obviously gonna help and he's
like yeah sure that's fine so I'm gonna
sit down tonight and make a list of all
the things that I need to get done or
that I want to get done while we're
doing this deep scrub so that I can
completely gets done
because it it my house needs it so I
think that's what we're gonna do this
weekend is do a good deep scrub and it
will take a couple of hours but it'll
feel so good once it's done you know
because I want to clean the windows and
bleach out the bathtubs I believe that
the bathtubs quite often now because the
babies take a bath in there too but it's
still you know it's I'm trying to get
myself on a routine of cleaning I guess
because it's been so long that I've
actually been able to do these things
that I haven't had a routine of okay so
we're gonna do this and we're gonna do
this and we're gonna clean this I
haven't had that protein and now that
I'm kind of getting back to being able
to do those things I need to come up
with my routine again you know like
Saturday is deep scrub day or you know
what I'm saying like I need to get back
into my routine so dairy in the league
it's more just focusing on the kids and
you know mild cleaning laundry things
like that but the actual deep scrub get
that time done when I can at a better
time so I don't know what are your
guys's cleaning schedules what do you
guys do like how is there certain days
of the week that you set out to do like
a deep scrub day do you do deep scrub
day a couple times a week is it once a
month like what is your guys's idea of
like a deep scrub routine - regular just
cleaning where you're not bleaching the
bathtub but you are still wiping down
like the toilets and counters and you
know and I'm not expecting that you have
to mop every single day because we don't
have any animals and stuff so we don't
have to mop every single day but you
know of course definitely we vacuum in
suite vacuum because our vacuum goes on
to the harbor floor and vacuums which
again honestly I don't like it I would
rather we have a broom and stuff I would
rather do the broom for the floors and
then leave the vacuum for the carpet and
we have a Dyson Dyson Dyson I think it's
called we paid like oh my gosh I want to
say like $400 for this stupid vacuum and
honest to god the vacuum we have
previous to that one broke and not was a
Dyson - and the vacuum before that one
we had it was just a red devil and we
got it from like a store called Big Lots
for 30 bucks and I swear are you not
that thing was the best vacuum it did
its job perfect it lasted forever I
swear the cheapest vacuums are the best
vacuums because these marks
vacuums are crap like you vacuum one
thing that's an oopsie vacuum and it's
like broken or it just stops suctioning
and it's like oh my god and then you've
got all these parts that come to it and
all these filters and you name it it's
there and it's like really like come on
so anyways I just want to try and like
my organization of the house is
ridiculous like I can't handle it much
longer I am about ready to start pulling
my hair out because again I like
organization I like to know where
everything is at because it's so nice
when you're looking for something and
you're like I know where that's out
that's in this area and you go there and
lo and behold it's there but right now
it's like well this should be there but
it's clear in another area of the house
and it's like how did it manage to get
all the way to the outside of the house
and it's because unfortunately I'm gonna
say that my family likes to just pick
things up and stick it where they think
it belongs rather than if they don't
know and ask they just shove it so it's
yeah we'll just say it's the
organization has been hideous in my
house lately well for a while but mama
bear is back and Mama's gonna get the
house in shape because otherwise a home
I told my husband mama gotta pack her
bags and move away and leave you guys
here and I I will live in a nice clean
house and come and visit you guys he's
like okay I'm like yeah right yeah I
don't think for two seconds you guys
would be able to make it without me
he's like you want to try I said well do
you want to pay my extra rain he said no
I said okay then I'm stuck yeah so
anyways that's what I'm hoping to get
done this week and accomplish as the
deep scrub cleaning organizing
organizing and organizing and with
Maya's room it's so hard because right
now he his room carries toys / his stuff
and everything in between and he is the
worst pack rat when it comes to not
throwing stuff away for nothing not I
don't know what that little boy thinks
he's doing if he's gonna build a nest in
his bed or what but my god things I find
but I really want to get in there but I
think for Jeremiah's room it's gonna
take me probably getting on good shelf I
think for him
and two nice toy boxes like toy boxes
not just tell it's because the totes
well I mean the totes have lasted
actually I have to I have a blue one in
two people and one for Omar one for
espera because Omar has his cars and
stuff in and Esther has her baby dolls
and I put them all and you know I
separated him and put him in each of the
colors and those have lasted and like
today they wanted to play with baby
dolls so they went into Maya's room
pulled out the pink toe and drugged it
into the living room and there's babies
all over which I'm fine with because
when it comes time to clean up I just
say okay everything goes into the pink
tote and we'll put it away
but with that they're not the biggest
toes so they're still not completely
like fitting everything so I am thinking
that me getting him like up a little bit
of a bigger like a bigger toy box or you
know maybe another two one pink one blue
I don't know who's Maya doesn't have
toys he doesn't he's too cool for toys
he will play with Legos that is one
thing he will play with is he will play
with Legos but he's too cool for
everything else so he doesn't he doesn't
play with toys so it's just the babies
and technically they would have a room
if I didn't take the spare room for my
craft diamond stuff but I have the room
the spare room kind of held up right now
and I don't let them in there unless I'm
in there because otherwise we have the
whole nail polish story replaying over
and over and over because that's what
they do so that way I don't let them in
that room so they technically they all
kind of share one room now at the end of
the day Jeremiah is the one that sleeps
in there because it's his room with his
bed s4 sleeps in the living room with me
and always sleeps with Omar and our
bedroom and I get this question all the
time why do you guys not sleep together
why do those kids sleep with you guys so
here's the thing here here's the tea on
that you guys okay so
for the loan let's see let's go back a
little bit so when Jeremiah was a baby
he was on an odd schedule and he's still
to this day if he does not take
melatonin back hey that kid can stay up
all night long like blip truly can say
if all night long and he could say it
for days that's just his I don't know
why but that's just that's how his make
him is I guess so when he was little
when he was a baby when I very first got
him he was on that type of a schedule
and I I I lived with people so I lived
with people so I had to keep him quiet
well what ended up happening it was I am
gonna put a mattress in the living room
and I would sit up straight you guys
literally sit up straight with my back
against the wall he would lay next to me
on the you know on the mattress and I
would I Pat him worst mistake I could
have ever done was get this kid in habit
of having to be patted in order to sleep
so i pat him and had him and had him pet
him and then if i stop because i would
start to go to sleep he would wake up so
then I'd have to start petting them
again so for the first year and a half
to two years of Jeremiah's life I didn't
even get sleep I didn't sleep because
that child had me awake all night long
and then I work all day long so I
literally I don't know how I function
for the first couple of years of
Jeremiah's life but anyways so during
that time my body positioned itself to
be sleeping staying sitting straight up
and ever since then literally I have
always slept sitting straight up now
when I got married to Ollie and he came
to the States
I did as try and sleep in our bed for
the first couple of months but I just
really couldn't be comfortable he snored
and I'm a light sleeper and so it was
just like it was such a hat like it was
hard so then in return I would just get
frustrated and I had end up on the couch
so I would sleep on the couch nice up
there fine until we move to the house
we're living in now now when we moved
there I was six weeks pregnant with Omar
and I was having a hard time sleeping on
my side being pregnant with him because
I would get really really motion
sickness so I would have to sit up again
sleeping sitting pretty much straight up
so at that point all he was like bowl
I'm not gonna have you just sitting
straight up on the couch like that's not
fair ami are not comfortable you know
let's go ahead and we'll purchase a
recliner so I was like okay so we went
we purchased a recliner and so I slit I
started sleeping in a recliner and ever
since then
I have slept in a recliner and I have
not been able to sleep in a bed and to
now to this point if I lay on my back
for too long that my spine actually be I
think just because it's not used to be
late honors and I don't know but it
literally right above my butt area like
that back the tailbone area oh if I lay
for too long it'll literally feels like
my back is going to snap when I stand up
and so for me it's not it's not
comfortable
is that plain like long time to get up
there anyways so I feel like I'm my back
is gonna break and it's not comfortable
so in return I just am like no I'm not
gonna do this like I want to stay in a
recliner and so when I had s ride i sat
sitting straight up sleeping well you
know I was in a recliner
at this point now so you know I was
comfortable at night would lay her on my
chest and then I took blankets and I
like tucked him down inside so what kind
of like almost came rude her to me like
kept her really tight to me and I slept
with her that way cuz that's how I felt
the safest because I would know that I
could hear her I could feel her
breathing she could feel me breathing it
was just a bonding experience
to say the least and then with Omar
because he was born so early we had to
sleep next to him not him with us but he
had to sleep next to us that at that
time I actually was in my bedroom in a
recliner because I was partner with SR
at this point and Olli would have him
sleeping on the Ottoman next to the
couch and that's where oli would sleep
and Olli has taken care of
Omar every night since he's been born he
has always left with Olli and I have
been the one to sleep with Omar so yeah
what a mess I tell you I tell you these
things
go ahead so anyways so that is kind of
why we all kind of sleep in sporadic
areas of the house and I know it just
sounds so funny because it's like are
you serious like really and yes you're
right guy are you gonna have a car or
what a dune you hit my car we're gonna
have an issue with Walmart anyways so
yeah that's kind of where I'm at and why
we all kind of sleep in odd areas of our
house and we don't sleep together and
yada yada yada and eventually I will get
to the point where you know Esther will
sleep in her own room or in her own bed
and same with Omar but at this point
right now it doesn't bother us it
doesn't affect us it doesn't affect
anybody else it gives them the chance to
fill safe and close to us I did the same
thing with Maya up until he was five he
slept next to me like I mean I slept on
the couch and he slept on the other side
of couch because that's just how he was
and he wanted to be next to me and to
this day you guys he still comes
sneaking out of his room and I'll find
him next to me at night I'm not
what is he doing it's so funny but I
just you know I would never change it
and you know I know that there are
people that are so against co-sleeping
but you know as long as you do it safely
I don't feel that is such a dangerous
thing now again like I said I would
never have ever put my child next to me
and fell asleep no but I can you kinga
rude her to me so that she would not go
anywhere and I couldn't lay on her
because I was sitting up so how could I
ever you know I couldn't do anything
with her and with Omar he was on the
Ottoman so he wasn't near Ali and you
know they didn't sleep next to each
other until Omar was way old enough to
move as something you know if Ollie or
scream or something if all he was going
to touch him at nighttime so he wouldn't
have ever allowed that to happen but
yeah I don't know I just I think that
it's all in all I I think it's
everybody's own preference but that's
that's it with me with my babies
but anyways okay you guys I'm gonna go
into Walmart so alrighty
okay so yes Amy took back her hideous
purse you guys the hideous purse is gone
but I exchanged it for straight across I
hate this thing it went straight across
so I was able to get this one which I am
excited about it's like really nice size
and it's a cross over so it's something
different I'm not used to that but I was
like whoa why not you know just try it
because I may have my other one in it's
it's a stripe in one - I must be into
stripes right now or something because
this one's definitely start B - but you
know what it all works
I am so thirsty now I'm doing good okay
anyways so yes I did a lot of whoo we
gotta shut that heater off
this is hot it's 54 degrees anyways uh I
did a ton of just walking around just
walking around a look felt so good like
I just miss being able to being able to
walk around because when I had the
cellulitis breakout there was none no
way I could have walked because to step
on my feet felt like I was stepping on
literally I really just like when people
see that you're probably not me they
just walk smacking from you like you're
gonna hit me anyways but
there was no way I would be able to step
down on my foot like because the whole
thing was so swollen and it just hurts
so bad so I had to go in a pushcart and
you know the funny thing is is that it's
so weird when you're used to not have
tea - okay I have okay I'm gonna go I
suppose
anyways it's funny how you know when I
was bigger I was you know I was pretty
forced to have to be in the shopping
cart the motor part because I could
there was no way I would be able to walk
through the store and when I want to do
a leisure shop where it's just going
around the store just looking at
everything and talking around and doing
nothing that means anything but just
being in the store there was no way I
could do that just a few months ago
because I would be in so much pain with
my back that I would just there it was
hit it was no fun like I remember one
time right before I started this journey
I mean only I don't know what wait a
little while more for something he was
gonna go and grab the food and I jumped
to the you know women's clothing house
that's just initially where I go and so
anyways I went to that Idol and I was
only in aisle four maybe
five minutes and we're saying maybe
and I was like hunched over in pain so
bad I was sweating I was shaky like I
was like oh my god there was no cards so
I knew I was gonna have to walk and all
it wasn't in that section he was in the
food section so I called him I know he
came over and he found me
oh no no no he did he called me and was
like hey meet me over at such-and-such
spot of the store and I'm like honey I
can I'm like you're gonna have to come
to me he's like what I might just come
here please I didn't want to make a big
scene because you know everybody
standing around it's embarrassing so he
comes and he finds me he's like what's
wrong and I'm like all in my back I'm
like I can't I can't do this I feel like
I'm going to pass I don't like my back
is hurting me so bad and I was so much
frustrated so mad at myself because here
my family just wanted to go into Walmart
and just enjoy ourselves and that was
just not gonna happen so I was like you
know what I will go sit in the car you
can just you know saying this for me is
like absolutely not he's like if you
can't stay in the store then we're just
gonna go because we already got what we
needed so it's not like we have to be
here and I'm like okay so we left and so
you know it's weird how you know what
I'm getting more used to not having the
option to have the cart and making it to
where I have to walk to now you know at
first I would have liked those anxiety
panics in a way like oh my gosh am I
gonna be able to make it to the store
diddle and I'm like thinking 100 miles
an hour to where now it's like I can
confidently go and be like you know what
I'm feeling good today I think today I
can make it to the store I might be a
little bit sore because I'm just getting
back into the Joaquin from being off of
it for you know good what almost two
weeks so you know I'm gonna have to work
myself into this but you know I can do
this
and so I did I went into the store and I
grabbed a car watch so I grabbed the
guy's card that part mixed me and I went
into the store and I walked around for
say an hour and his 540 right now and I
don't know what time I actually left but
it wasn't I want to say it was like four
I don't know I don't wanna sleep no but
I know I probably walked around the
store for about an hour and my back was
perfectly fine and you know the most
amazing part of this entire me going to
the store tonight was I seen somebody
the last time they see me I was at my
almost biggest because I had just
started the journey now I don't know if
they watched my youtube channel or not I
have no idea because I clearly don't
obviously know who watches it who
doesn't and there's more people I think
watch it that I'm even aware of so you
know maybe they do watch they don't know
but anyways I have not seen them since I
was almost out my biggest I was right
about the time that I had started to
judge the journey and I was clearly
still in the motor carts at Walmart and
that's where I seen them last and
tonight when I was walking like going
towards the front of the store they were
walking in and Here I am proudly
standing there walking with my car out
to my car and they had to do a double
take like you know and it made me feel
good because it was like you know that
such a
non-skilled victory that people are now
going to start seeing me in a different
way that people haven't been used to see
me out because you know a lot of people
have seen me at my very biggest and see
me struggling to walk seeing me to do
anything so for somebody to see me that
I haven't seen clearly in a couple of
months see me now being able to walk
through the store without having help is
such an amazing feeling and as I was
walking out to the car I was telling
myself I was like look see here you are
you could have just slipped yourself
into a cart tonight and you know you
could have just went around the store
totally not having to worry about if
your back was gonna hurt if your feet
were gonna hurt you could have been
comfortable in the store in a car but
had you been in a cart the thing is is
that this person that seen you
that's seen you going out of the store
yes you've still lost weight but they
would have still seen you in a motor
cart where that's not where I'm at they
got to see you where you're out right
now which is you can now walk through
the store and you don't have to have a
motor card and that was such an amazing
victory for me and not just boosted me
even more to be like you know what I am
so excited to wearing that right now
because I know that I am doing this for
myself
but I'm also doing this and showing so
many people that I can do this and I'm
not going to give up
I might have bumps in the road that I
have to get through which is you know
things like the cellulitis you know I
wasn't planning on getting in cellulitis
I wasn't planning on you know not being
able to walk in the stores for a couple
of weeks I wasn't planning any of that
and I have to accommodate myself as
things like that come up because simply
whether I'm 500 pounds or I'm 160 pounds
if I had cellulitis breakout I would not
be able to probably walk through the
storm well I wouldn't be able to walk
through the storm because you'd be in
too much pain so for that part I would
be in a cart either way but look where
I'm at today I'm not hurting today and I
do feel better so instead of continuing
on that road of oh well I'm just gonna
take one more time at the store in the
car I'm just gonna take one more trip
tonight in the cart I was like no I feel
good today I have felt good for those
couple of days you know yes I am you
know I'm on my cycle and yes I am having
a really heavy time right now
and no I don't feel a hundred percent
because of that but that's not any
excuse for why I can't walk through a
store because there are many people that
are on their cycles that bleed heavy
that still go and work out and go and do
those things and I'm not trying to put
myself up against other people because
everybody's different but what my point
is is that if I would have just made the
excuse one more day that person that
seen me walking out of the store tonight
would have not seen me walk out the
store they would have seen me still at
my lowest which is I still have to have
a car to go to the store and that's so
that's that's so not who I am now
so yeah I was really excited I was just
like yeah one more victory is someone
that seen me in a different way than
I've been in a long time so anyways that
was exciting I am now heading home but I
am hitting traffic because it is I 40
and so everybody is getting off work and
I'm in the downtown part of Salem so
everybody is getting off work and going
to different dinners and stuff like that
I'm sure and so now I'm stuck in traffic
but I'm heading home Walmart they had
let's see I was looking at their
leggings
and they have these leggings they're
candy canes and peppermints and I wanted
to get him so bad they're black with red
obviously and they come a two pair and I
want to say they were like twelve or
fourteen dollars but they're the
stretchy kind of Oh what do you want to
say they're like the stretchy sweater II
kind of material and I was just afraid
that I've had a pair of those before and
I I don't know if I was bigger than I am
now or not but I do remember them being
fairly tight I don't remember the brand
that they were these ones are Tara Skye
but I know Taryn Skye is a newer brand
so I don't know if that is the same you
know if it was the same material as the
one that I had bought before I do
remember the other one was a very soft
stretchy too but it was still just a
little bit a little bit tight they
weren't bad but they were just a little
bit tight and I was like I want to get
them but then it's like they would only
literally be able to be worn technically
for I guess you could say December which
I could just get him and put him away
for the next year you know and just wear
I merely but I'm not that type of a
person I know I'm not and I don't like
buying something that I can clearly only
wear one month out of the year because
it's like well that's kind of pointless
which I mean it's kind of stupid because
honestly I could just put him away you
know especially because these kind would
fit me losing weight they would still
fit me there was there's no way that
they could be too small so are too big
because they were just that shrinky kind
of material and I might I might still
pick them up if they have my size at
another time but I didn't tonight I just
I was like possum but they were very
very cute the only thing that I can
honestly complain about with Walmart
since they've changed everything over to
tear and sky I feel like they don't
carry as much I guess you would say for
X's because tear and sky I've only seen
very few items of Terrence guy be 4x
everything's 3x and I remember a long
time ago Walmart would always carry
longer shirts you know shirts that would
carry you know cover and as a bigger
person there is I'm not saying everybody
is but there is a lot of bigger people
that have the apron and if you don't
know what the apron is apron is where
your stomach hangs a little bit on the
bottom or can hang a lot in my case it
hangs no you want to hit me please don't
good lord
anyways but I have like I would say I've
got a pretty good hanging tummy um I do
very good at hiding it but it doesn't
mean that I don't have one and I'm I'm
getting more confident with it I will
say before I used to try I mean I would
not wear anything if it did not cover my
entire stomach I mean even to a little
bit at the bottom nope if it showed
anything it was a goner
and
since I've been going through this
journey and learning how to love myself
and accept myself for who I am and you
know know that I am trying to change for
health reasons but still embracing my
body and and loving me I'm I'm very much
getting better at it I will say I am
getting better at it but it doesn't mean
I'm a hundred percent and so it's
frustrating sometimes because like
tonight when I was at Walmart I just I
went around in circle after circle after
circle looking for different shirts to
see if there was anything they they had
stuff that went up to 3x that I think
probably would have fit me but they
would have been way too short for my
comfort
I mean we're talking way too short and
to me that's that's a bummer because I
think that as the sizes get bigger I
think that they should make the length
longer and I think that you know or give
that option you make some that are
longer some that are the same length as
a smaller but they make the length the
same across as all the shirts but it's
just the width that has changed and I
think that that really that that's
frustrating I will say that that I think
that that's the most frustrating part
about clothes shopping as a bigger
person you know when I like today those
shirt I'm wearing is it's a torrid but
it's a dress I get in the dress section
it's a six which now when I very first
bought it it like it fit me like uh sure
like it literally fit me like a shirt
shirt it was not long on me by any means
at all there would have been no way that
I could have ever got away with even if
I didn't cover there would have been no
way I could have gotten away with
wearing this thing as just a dress
because it would away have been way too
short and I think it's because my upper
belly was much bigger
but since I've lost weight and hey I
went and put it on and it's like now
it's like what it probably should have
because now it's like it's pretty I mean
it fits me like I think it was made to
fit me if that makes sense
and so most of the well I don't think
that there's anything from torrid that I
have ever bought that was not a shirt I
think they've all been dresses because
of my comfort thing with my stomach like
that is the thing that I deal with so I
I always buy my stuff extra big so that
I can get it longer to cover but I wish
that I could like okay for instance buy
something from tour that's a size six
and no because it's a size six when I go
to put it on that it's gonna be bigger
like longer not bigger longer because
they're selling a bigger size and width
so it should be a little bit longer I
would imagine but how the designers
think so anyways any designers out there
just hear my words please take them in
consideration for everybody that's big
but you know that's something that I
wish designers would take into account
over
[Music]
around the long wait so dark anyways you
guys were the first from son of a
nutcracker
that's what being always say when we are
trying to say something yeah now you get
the drift mom is trying to watch it
bounce anyways so yeah that was my
that's my rant for the day is that
designer doesn't need to make longer
shirts to the size that they're making
them so but I did get that person really
excited that was that was a yeahö moment
and now I am heading home I'll be there
and probably at five minutes I'm having
chicken salad for dinner for day and in
because we have leftovers so like shrimp
and all of that stuff and I just wasn't
filling the whole fish food thing
tonight
so all it was like well I'll just eat
the left row said I don't want to go to
waste because I was gonna make that
hamburger opposed to thinking
and only shoot I was a woman I forgot
the team darn it I knew there was
something I was really forgetting oh
well
anyways I was gonna make the hamburger
pasta thing and all he's like I thought
you said your goals to get to under 400
by January I was like hello
I've been losing weight I don't know
what I'm doing
but I told my cycle even if I don't eat
it I'm still gonna make it for you guys
but he was like I don't want to make
anything until we get some of this other
stuff eaten out of the fridge because I
don't want everything to go to waste and
I completely forgot that we had
leftovers from that so I told myself
well then you can go ahead and have that
for leftovers the kids can have
something easy maybe a frozen pizza or
something I'm not too worried because
they've got plenty of stuff since I just
want birth shopping and then for me I'm
just gonna have a chicken salad keep it
simple keep it sample I'm actually you
know honestly I'm not even hungry
but I eaten today
well I'm doing what I eat in a day vlog
so that's gonna be up but I had a
omelette for breakfast
I've had lots of tea and water
so I'm actually not even really hungry
but I need to eat something
because I don't want to go to bed and
not have something on my stomach so in
taeho well you guys I hope that you all
enjoyed my vlog today that you guys had
a really good day today I I did I got
out of the house and I felt that I
needed to do something so it was a nice
a nice little break to just get out so
anyways I'm gonna go ahead and close my
night because I think once I get home I
need to eat I need the shower I need to
get the kids ready for bed and get my
house cleaned up a little bit before you
know we all crash for the night so
anyways again I hope you guys enjoyed
the vlog welcome to all of my new
subscribers I am so excited to have
every one of you guys join me it's been
amazing seeing everybody coming in and
see my numbers go up this is such an
exciting moment and it's all because of
you guys so anyways
and I think everybody else too because
you guys are all awesome I just love my
channel I love my channel I love you
guys you guys are amazing
i I just you guys don't know what all
you guys mean to me every one of you
good bad positive negative I don't care
you all mean something to me and I love
it and I love you guys anyways I'm gonna
close my vlog I hope you guys enjoy
today I will check in with you guys
bright and shiny tomorrow morning until
then you guys sweet dreams bye
